Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
