Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Randomize
