so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
