I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
