...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
