I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
