I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
