Swine flu. Run for my life!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
