he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
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