how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
