Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
