??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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