Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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