he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
