Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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