On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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