I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
