TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I think my moral compass just broke
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
