Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
