mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Randomize
