try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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