you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
