Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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