she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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