I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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