Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Randomize
