my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
