For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
