So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
