it wasn't lemon gatorade
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
