I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
