he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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