does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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