I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
