He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
