oh god the rape fog is back!
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
