You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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