why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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