oh god the rape fog is back!
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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