I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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