My room smells like vodka and shame
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
