it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
