are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
