great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
