please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
