Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
