I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
