You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
