i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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