Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize