so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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