did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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