im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
