I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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