I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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