How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
