I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
