just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
